Wishes I never asked. But happened.

Was really joking about this but then I realized I was f*cking hurt.


After the performance, I spent my my tequila sunrise, bangenge and frozen margarita drinks thinking about you. It irritates me so much that I have posted an FB status about you, again, something that I swore myself will never do again. I really wanted to cry that time, but I guess tears weren't enough compensation of how hurt I am because of you. 


While the numbness is still there, I did the most wrong thing to do that time: lit up a cigarette. I have not smoked for 2 years now and I believe I already stopped. But because of this whatever hatred I am feeling, I was able to light up a cigarette without thinking twice. That, I hated myself so much.


I wish I never have gone to that videoke night with you.
I wish I did not receive the sweetest messages from you.
I wish I never let this happen, bond with you in LB and really think we had something in between.


I wish I never met you.
I wish I never trusted you.
I wish I am not like this now trying to forget you and erase all the memories that we had.




I wish you were just someone passing through my door, 
which I have nothing to feel to..




I wish I can just erase every bit of memory.
I wish I am not sniffing and wiping tears now as I write this down.