Two Firsts.

For the first time, I hated you today. 
I was pissed off, irritated and mad about you being late in our pre-scheduled training. You were absent yesterday and you knew you have to learn everything you missed but you came in 3 hours late today. Actually, I was not the only one who felt that way but everyone else. But the impact on me was different. I was really really mad that I blurted out words that I never thought I would actually say to you. Argh. 


It was really irritating because a lot of people has put so much effort to attend the training as often and as early as they can but you just walked in and out of it. Aaaaghh. Until now I still feel that irritation. I just hope it won't happen next time.


Another first time that happened tonight is one of my closest friends finally coming out. Well, only to me. Hehe. I have been friends with this guy for at least 3 years now. And since then, I knew who and what he is. (What meaning gender preference). But he never confirmed that to me before. Now, since he has a new someone in his life (which happens to be my close friend too), he finally confirmed it to me. 


I'm happy for them, of course. But more than anything, I'm happy because somehow you treat me as someone important to you. Disclosing your relationship is never too easy but you did it for me. So thanks. 

On getting over you..

A while ago, I kind of realized that I'm over of what I felt for you before.
Indication?


Was slightly pissed when you suddenly didn't attend to what is very important right now.
I was pissed because you knew you have to attend. And yet you didn't just because of a "party" you were forced to attend to. Talking about priorities. Or shall I say, you really didn't want to attend.


Anyway, I'm getting better now. I hope this is the last time that I.m blogging about you.
Tss.

Nothing. Period.

Love is blind.


For once, I never believed this line.
How can someone not see what the world has been showing? I guess we cannot call him blind.
Stupid, rather.


After all these years, I have never believed this.
Until this day came that I met you. And I admitted the fact that I have really fallen for you.
And I have denied everything that I was seeing. I have denied what was happening,
I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Always given you. 
I never stopped myself from falling. 


Today, I confirmed it. 
There was nothing.
Nothing between you and me.
As I have always thought about.
And there will never be in the future.
No.
Nothing.
Never.
Period.

Jealous

It was a day of highs and lows. 


But the main focus of my day was seeing you. Yes. I'm excited to see you. 
However, you didn't seem excited enough to see me. Contrary to your texts.


You were more engaged with the fact that I invited our close friend over to join our gathering.


You clung to him all day.
You sat beside him on the bus and during dinner.
You rode on his back like a horse (srsly)
You kept mentioning his name
And tapping his back
And putting your arms around him


And yes, it's a guy. And I'm talking about you, a guy.
I don't wanna say this, or even think about this but,
I think you're skewed.
It is some geometrical term opposite of straight.


So you might ask why I am doing this, or saying this
or ranting about this. 


Alright, alright. 
I guess I don't want to admit it yet but I think I'm starting to like you.
And I think I am jealous.


I can't believe I'm saying this (or rather, writing about this) and you are reading this!!!!!!
Not mad, boy, but please, come clean.
For the sake of everyone else.
Including yourself.

Friendship not yet over. :)

A lot of people had already warned me about you.
That there will come a time you will leave me as your friend; that you will just pass by me at one moment, not remembering our more than 2 years of friendship; that everything will be over.


Actually, I do not know how to believe them. Cos since I met you exactly 3 1/2 years ago, you have been there constantly until now. You knew everything that is happening to me. As well as me, I knew all your whereabouts in life. Whether you had your first college girlfriend, broke up with her, had 3-5 flings within a year, cut classes, flunk subjects and repeated them over, puke while drinking, etc.


I guess those people who warned me also care that I might just be hurt in the end.
But of course, it's up to me. Actually, I have a choice to leave you first before you doing that. But then again, you managed to stick around in the last 3 1/2 years of our friendship, so why do so?




Anyway, I hope this is forever. You are one of the few people I trust and care the most.
Cheers to good and long-lasting friendship!

Digital Romance

I don't know what's with you.
One, maybe you're just too sweet with everyone else. And I am, once again, assuming everything.

Or two, you're just too torpe not to express ypur feelings when we're together. Because when you text, it's different.

Okay here we go again. Digital Romance. I hate it. And I swore to myself it will never happen again. And here we go once more with assuming. Please. Stopit. It'll just kill you.

Anyway, move on please. And just wait and see.